01/22/03

From Steve Wright

- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

- Half the people you know are below average.

- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- To copy from one is plagiarism, but to steal from many is research.

- All those who believe in psychokinesis, please raise my hand.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

- OK, so what's the speed of dark?

- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

- I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
horn louder."

- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

- The colder the x-ray table, the longer your body is required to be on it.

- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now
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